Of Gerbils, Tantrums, and Pretty Ladies
by O'MalleytheAlleyCat
Summary: Merlin is taken ransom and turned into a girl Arthur is turned into a hamster Gwen into a four year old And Gwaine into a dog How will they survive?
1. In which a bad day commences

Hey!

* * *

Merlin had been having a perfectly wonderful day. It was the 254 day since magic had been legalized and the 253 day since he had been made court sorcerer. Yet one tiny thing had to blemish the perfectly good day. He had walked into the kings chambers to discover a beastly large man searching through the kings drawers. His first thought was that it was merely the biggest largest and single most scary servant he had ever seen. Then on second thoughts he realized they were more likely a thief or assassin considering the large sword buckled around their waist. The man turned around and Merlin still in a state of shock couldn't help but think that his front side was even scarier than his back side. They sat in silence for several seconds staring at one another in shock until one of them spoke.

"uh..." the large scary man said. And Merlin in all his aptitude repaid the man with the same statement. Suddenly the man took three very large steps forward and punched Merlin in the head. And without a sound Merlin slid to the ground in unconsciousness.

When Merlin woke up again he found himself being held up by the very scary man his head lolling against the man's chest. A dagger was at his throat and he could hear Arthur talking in the background.

"Surrender and accept the fitting punishment for filthy criminals such as yourself!" Arthur said in a commanding voice. Merlin nearly rolled his eyes. Here he was in danger a dagger at his throat held there by a very large scary and dangerous man and the only calming diffusing thing Arthur could say was something that was bound to get them all in trouble.

"The only filthy scum here is yourself!" the man spat.

Great Arthur, just great. You really do want to kill me off. How hard is it to say, you can keep the money you came to steal just please leave the skinny man on the ground uninjured. But no Arthur had to go and call the man a scum bag.

"You will pay for your crimes and be hung"

The knife tightened against Merlin's throat bringing a bead of blood to the surface.

"Not before this man loses his life!"

Merlin began thinking that it was a good time for interference. With that he felt his magic build up and then let it blast the man away from him leaving the hulking scary guy in a mess on the ground unconscious. Merlin fell to the ground as the man's support came away. Arthur ran to him worried that friend had been injured.

"Are you alright?" he said as he looked Merlin up and down for injuries. Merlin turned and glared at Arthur.

"Yeah, no thanks to you"

"Really? Is that all I get for thanks? After facing down the single most large and scary man I have ever seen!"

Gwaine, Percival, and Lancelot both laughed as they saw Arthurs genuine look of incredulity. Merlin merely gave a large sigh.

"Really, I knew that it would be difficult taking care of you but helping you think wasn't on the list"

The knights gave off hearty laughs as Arthur returned the glare. They all stopped however as they heard the unwelcome visitor give a groan. Arthur became serious and motioned for the knights to bring the man to the dungeons.

* * *

When the man awoke Arthur, Merlin, Gwen, and Gwaine stood there ready to figure out why the man had snuck into Camelot. They waited patiently outside the cell as the man came into reality. As soon as he was ready Merlin spoke.

"Who are you?"

"G-Mesh"

They all looked at him as if he had said a bad joke. He frowned.

"That's my real name and don't none of you go making fun of it!"

"I am king and I will do as I please!" Arthur said. Merlin couldn't help but pull a face as soon as Arthur said that. Gwen giggled and Gwaine gave a loud gwaff of laughter. Arthur turned around and glared at Merlin.

"What do you think you are doing Merlin?" Merlin smiled innocently

"Nothing"

"Really? I find that quite hard to believe. Are you lying to your king?"

"Never" Merlin replied.

"Because if you are-" Arthur was cut off by G-Mesh

"Please stop! Can we just get on with executing me. It'd be heaven compared to listening to you two bicker. especially with all those thoughts you think wizard"

Merlin looked at him slightly in shock.

"You're a druid?"

"Yeah"

"Then you have magic?"

Yeah"

Merlin looked at him disbelievingly. Somehow the idea that the large scary man could have magic seemed to ridiculous a notion.

"Can you prove it?" Arthur said.

The man got a mischievous look "Anything you say your majesty"

With that a blinding flash of light all four of them fell unconscious.

* * *

R&R


	2. A lack of Decency

When Merlin awoke he had a pounding headache only made worse when he realized he wasn't wearing any clothes. With some effort he remembered what had happened making him jump to his feet. Immediately he noticed that he had by some strange means been turned into a girl. His thoughts then turned to see if Arthur and everyone else was alright. As he turned around the only things he saw were a black dog, a small hamster, and a four year old little girl that looked very similar to Gwen.

"Merlin?"

Merlin turned to face Lancelot's voice which was coming from around the corner. Lancelot rounded the corner along with Percival. Both of their eyes widened and their faces turned a deep red. Percival turned his head away and took of his coat offering it out. Lancelot turned around also and seeing that Percival had taken his cloak off did the same stretching it out in offering behind him. Merlin was along the same lines very embarrassed. He quickly ran forward and grabbed the cloaks. He draped one around himself and the other around Gwen.

"Umm... I'm dressed...sort of"

Both men turned around.

"Is that you Merlin?" Lancelot asked.

"Yes, as much as me can be"

"Where is Arthur?"

Merlin hesitated and turned to look at the other three. As he thought about it the little girl looked like Gwen which meant it was probably Gwen. The black dog looked, well, he( it was a he) looked like a dog yet there was that mischievous look in those brown eyes. Wait, brown eyes, definitely Gwaine. Which meant that; Merlin turned and looked down at the blonde hamster with blue eyes. Yep that was most definitely Arthur.

Merlin cleared his throat "Well the hamster is Arthur"

He was met by silence and then a small oh of complete and total confusion. Then they all looked at the Hamster. They began to laugh. It was laughter caused by stress and complete craziness, a mixture between crying and laughing. Shortly after the laughter started the hamster took up to squealing which made them laugh all the harder. Finally they were able to calm down enough to breathe and Merlin reached down and picked up Arthur. With a large squeal from both Merlin and Arthur. Arthur tumbled to the floor while Merlin shook her hand little blood droplets forming.

"What was that for?!" Merlin yelled at the now tiny king. Her outburst was answered with many squeals. Merlin became pale and stood still.

"What's wrong, did Arthur say something?" Lancelot asked

Merlin shook her head. Never in her entire life would she ever repeat the profanity that had flown from that hamsters mouth.

"Just something about how he's worried about everyone" she said. Again the hamster squealed.

"What did he say this time?" Percival asked

"Nothing" Merlin said quickly.

"So what do we do?" Lancelot asked.

Merlin set her hands on her now wide hips as her mind kicked into high gear. Her first and foremost problem was the girl/hamster/dog/kid problem. She quickly decided that magic would quickly solve that. She closed her eyes and began to speak the ancient words. Nothing happened. Well she thought if at first you don't succeed try try again. Well she did and that didn't work so finally by the 27th time Merlin gave up.

"Well, that didn't work, I just need some time to think and we can have all this sorted out." after a few moments silence Merlin felt a tiny tug on the loose cape. She ignored it as she was obviously trying to think of a way to demagic everyone. This time it was a harder tug. Merlin again ignored. A great tug came that made the cape slip off and the knights again turned in pink faced shame.

"WHERE'S MY MOMMY!" little Gwen screamed. After that blatant statement she took up to a dreadful howling. Soon the dog and hamster joined in. Merlin already feeling very flustered was trying to comfort Gwen, put back on her(Percivals) cape, and think of a way out of their predicament. It was just too much.

"QUIET!" she yelled throwing a bit of magic to guarantee silence.

"Alright, thank you, now all we need to do is-" Merlin was cut off by a loud squeal from Arthur. Merlin swung around to glare at the source, immediately the squealing died away.

"Alright, as I was saying-"

Again she was cut off and this time by the obvious blaring of the warning bell


End file.
